Pieces about my first love

He doesn’t love you.

Those are the words that I say to myself whenever I start to  assume things.

Whenever he’s with me, he would give me this impression that maybe it’s the other way around, that maybe… just maybe, he has feelings for me too.

Three years have passed since the day I fell for him. I could not even recall how it started. Right now I’m sure as hell three years were clearly not enough for me to forget him.

Some would say that I should have been brave enough to confess what I feel for him, but I was a coward like any other protagonist in an unrequited love story, I was too afraid to hear the truth directly from him.

I faced the reality on my own. I knew from the beginning there would never be an us. To have him fall for me was next to impossible.

Did I fall too easily? Maybe…

Did I expect him to catch me? Yes.

The painful truth about unrequited love is that you fall alone, you love alone, and still in the end, you get hurt alone.

While growing up I have always been an introverted emotional kid. I’ve always kept the emotional part of my life in the pages of my journal and chose a happy fascade for everyone to see. I used to own a journal seven years ago that was filled with my whirlwind themed love story with my first love. I emphasized on the word my because from the beginning to end I never made a huge impact in his life, in contrary to mine. He was once the center of my universe (immature teenager’s perspective), while I was just a character in the sideline in his. By the way, the journal I mentioned has now turned to ashes, because I desperately wanted to forget all the immaturity and the unnecessary kilig one person can make you feel in such a young age.

Now I’m way way way past that stage of heartaches and tears. I’ve moved on as the years passed, and I’m proud to myself because I didn’t need any replacement or another guy to help me get over him. 

I’m not ashamed in the fact that he was my first love, even if others tell me that he was never worth it or he wasn’t handsome enough. You can never please everybody lol plus I was the one who fell for him so…

Even up to now he’s clueless to what I felt for him before. It’s better this way, because there’s lesser explainations and complications. I got hurt, but I think it’ll hurt more if he knew, because I was a hundred percent sure he will never reciprocate.

I wrote the passage above four years ago, because four years ago I still haven’t moved on. I wasn’t hurting, but the pain was still there, just well hidden. Right now there’s nothing but memoriea to remind me that I once loved that dumb guy.

If you want to know his name, let’s just call him Alex. 

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DAY6: Fourth Comeback of the Year

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These boys keep coming back, and I ain’t complaining. They’re on a roll again for the fourth time this year with tracks ‘I’m Serious‘ and ‘Say Wow

I loved the MV so much. They looked like they had so much fun which is feels kinda ironic to the title. Plus most of their title tracks before this one were sad ones so I’m not used to seeing them sing a song about falling in love (while all of them looked cheerful). Through this MV, we saw a new side of DAY6, the one that’s already ovet the heartbreaks and stuff. I’m still waiting for the continuation of the ‘Congratulations’ story line. No worries though, they still have tons of comebacks to insert it in. God I love this year.

I just finished watching their live performance in Music Core, and oh boy, our poor Wonpil. I hope his back did not ache after that performance. At least YoungK was there to give him courage by laughing. I feel both happy and sad (the performance was still perfect at least).

I was about to go to you but I didn’t
I was about to hug you but I didn’t
At this rate, the night’s gonna be over

It’s obvious that the theme of this comeback is falling in love. I think I need to get used to these. It’s nice to see them happy in their MVs once in a while. Until next time DAY6!

PS: I forgot to update this entry instead I saved is as a draft. Crazy.

An Amateur writer’s thoughts

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If you haven’t noticed the ASIANFANFICS word just above my webpage yet, then I would like to share to you all that I write stories based on my favorite OTPs. I consider ‘First Love‘ as my first work even though I already finished making a one-shot (though it’s not entirely a one chapter) based on the tragic ending of one of my favorite sageuk kdramas up to now, ‘Empress Ki’. First Love’ is my first work because it’s the first one that I’ve spent time working hard coming up on an original story line, researching about something as the background of the plot and spent a huge time writing and rewriting one chapter at a time.

I started writing this two years ago, back when I was still a college student who delayed my graduation by another year. I had so much time that I watched so many dramas in a span of two months. Also, ever since I was a high school student I have wanted to pursue my ambition in writing stories even though I wasn’t confident enough to write one. After watching ‘Pinocchio’ and after falling in love with the chemistry of Lee Jongsuk and Park Shinhye,  it sparked another idea inside my brain. I quickly came up with a theme and a little summary of my fanfic and then I spent my little free time writing a chapter. As the story progressed I got more confused on how I should write the climax that I have imagined inside my head, and right now my dilemma is that how can I convey to the readers (who I call my chingus) the ending that I decided on.

I admit I don’t want to finalize the finale chapter yet. There has been so many delays that happened these past two years, a lot of negligence, and a lot of mistakes. I want this to end so that my chingus will no suffer any longer and so that I can finally close the story book I created. I am satisfied with the ending that I chose and I hope the readers will too.

I’m still a rookie when it comes to writing fanfics and I can’t wait to share to the people my next project which will be released this year. I hope I won’t be too lazy by then. As of ‘First Love’, I’m positive sure that I will finish it before the first half of this year ends.

Chingus. If you read this then I would like to say sorry, again. I’ve been too lazy and non-committing lately that I couldn’t finish everything for you. When I say soon, I know you think that I don’t mean it (I’m such a bad person), but I promise you that everything will be over before the first half of the year ends. You have stuck with me for so long, maybe because you love my story so much and you’re already used to waiting that’s why you don’t mind anymore. I will finish this soon, so I hope that before then, you won’t forget the love story of Lee Suho and Seo Jaehee.

A love story unappreciated

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I’ve watched this drama months ago and the reason why I’ve decided to write my opinion about this drama now is because most people I know that watched this one didn’t appreciate it at all. I know there were boring parts at first, and yes maybe they disliked it because it had Lee Minho and Jun Jihyun as its main lead and they already expect the story line to be as boring as ‘The Heirs‘ and as less interesting as ‘My Love From the Stars‘.

I admit the Spain part was totally unnecessary, that I couldn’t wait for them to just go back to Seoul and continue their story there instead. Yes the first meeting was vital for the love birds, but the amnesia part made it totally useless, again. But the first meeting never really happened in Spain, instead it has occurred hundred years ago already, during the Joseon times, and that’s what made me love this drama.

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I decided to watch this drama because of the cast, but stayed because of the story. The beginning of the love story of Damryeong and Sehwa was a thousand times better than Heo Joonjae and Sim Cheong‘s. But all the sick plot and plot twists happened in modern day Seoul, and because the past lives of our OTP ended tragically, they had to continue and change their fate in the future.

It was amazing how everything that was happening in the future was connected to the past. The connection between Damryeong and Heo Joonjae was similar to Detective Lee Jaehan and Park Haeyoung in ‘Signal‘ (sans the walkie talkie). I’ve always wanted Lee Minho to go back to another meaningful rom-com after ‘Personal Taste‘, and we all know Jun Jihyun can ace a crazy, lunatic, ignorant heroine perfectly already, the super powers upgraded the role I guess. We found another amazing sidekicks namely Taeoh (Shin Wonho), which is a good combination of both a cute and handsome boy, and of course Jo Namdoo (Lee Heejoon), the conman who we thought was a good guy, then a bad guy, and then a total angel in the end. The dark horse in this story was Heo Chihyun (Lee Jihoon). His character gave a total 360 degrees evolution from his first appearance to the last. He developed a good friendship with Sim Cheong, which gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, he will be a good guy in the end. I was wrong. He had bad genes to begin with.

The other minor characters portrayed their roles well too. It was hard for me to watch the lovable dad from Reply series Sung Dongil turn into a pscychopath. Chihyun’s mother is also another character that is dark from the core. Good thing we had some Mo Yooran (Na Younghee), Cha Siah (Shin Hyesun) and Ahn Jinjoo (Moon Sori) bickering scenes, which gives me laughter all the time.

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The ending was satisfying. It gave us the perfect closure that we did not achieve after the finale episode of ‘My Love From the Stars’. Sim Cheong remained a mermaid, but because of the past life of her little girlfriend Yoona, she realized that she and Heo Joonjae can have the happy ending they never had before. I wish there were scenes where Heo Joonjae was hanging out (or swimming) with the mermaid Sim Cheong at the sea or something. He never got to converse or interact properly with Sim Cheong when she was in her mermaid form. That would have been nice.

After watching the drama, I still don’t know why many people dislike it, maybe because they didn’t give this drama a chance to unfold the greater story in it. I’ve been watching Kdramas for 15+ years and I can say the theme may not be unique but the story line is. I try to not care about how other people criticize this drama just because a popular actor like Lee Minho and a popular actress like Jun Jihyun are the leads. They both did a good job and their characters did justice to the story line. I just hope there will come a time where people will stop judging kdramas based on the leads in it. Yes it’s true that most people, especially international kdrama fans, refer to the casts first before watching the drama but you don’t have to use the same basis to criticize. Enjoy if you can and if not, you can hate it but after you appreciate everything in it.

WINNER: Fate Number For

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After a year and two months, WINNER is finally back! I know Inner Circles can never get over the sudden ending of their EXIT project last year but at least this comeback helped us heal, a lot. I have been waiting for this comeback since last year, and I’ve never been this thirsty for a KPOP group before (WINNER is my ultimate bias, that’s why).

BABY BABY, SENTIMENTAL, and IMMATURE, along with PRICKED and I’M YOUNG were blessings to us last year. Half Moon Friends was the long awaited variety show we wanted WINNER to have. They appeared in various shows and did many projects that time. I thought finally WINNER can get to show what they have on their sleeves, the talents and charms that others did not get to see after their debut. I thought it was finally going smooth for them. They were finally climbing their way to the top, but suddenly they went downhill. My thoughts scattered and I felt panic for the remaining four members. Jinwoo trained for so long just to debut under YG. Seungyoon chose to train more under YG rather than to go solo. Seunghoon always wanted to debut in YG (he’s inspired everytime he sees the view of his rooftop apartment). Mino went so much pain already, and what will happen to him if ever this group will also disband?

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Last year was definitely a heartbreaking one for us PARKINSEOs. We hopefully waited for EXIT:X,I, and T, then all hopes failed when Taehyun left the group (2016/11/24: BLACK CIRCLE DAY). I cried a lot, no joke. I’ve been a YG stan from the beginning and out of all the groups inside that dungeon-like company, WINNER had a special place in my kokoro. In the beginning, they were just my precious Team A, fighting their way to debut, and when they did they surely slayed. But they got locked up after all the awards and little promotions, maybe to give way to iKON which I don’t disagree. They got locked up for too long though, stars are supposed to shine brighter in dark places. INCLEs never forgot them during their hiatus, and continued supporting them even though they were inactive.

All those uncertainties and fear disappeared when YG and WINNER never gave up on each other. I don’t want WINNER to end up like 2NE1. That group was almost at par with their sunbae group BIGBANG, but the harshness of the KPOP community prevented them to do so. WINNER struggled and endured and now they’re ready to get back on their feet.

GUESS WHO’S BACK? It still feels so surreal now that they’ve returned. Taehyun has always been a good main vocal and a composer for the group, and I surely missed the KangNam chorus parts in their songs. Surprisingly, I did not feel any emptiness at all when I listened to their new songs REALLY REALLY and FOOL. As expected from the ever talented genius leader (and now maknae) Kang Seungyoon. The title tracks were jjang. It made me want more. Of course my greed will never be sated when it comes to WINNER songs, and now it seems like YG is making me even more desperate by releasing a mini album containing just the two songs. YG: I hate you and your love for releasing only 2 songs per album.

“Get lost from my sight.”
Those cruel words I spat out without hesitation
Anyone can see I was a fool
Even if I’m sorry now nothing changes
I know

The video for FOOL was on point. The song was on point. It was a sad love song, one that’s full of regrets. My subconscious tells me that it can be correlated to Taehyun’s departure, and that Seungyoon is still hurt about it (lol fanfic mode?). One of their main vocals left and now all of them are the main vocals. Mino and Seunghoon sang and it was the most beautiful moment for me, oh and also Jinwoo’s improved vocals and Seungyoon’s already perfect voice. I love them ALL okay?

REALLY REALLY sounded less than a ballad than FOOL, this one was the lighter side of love. The redundancy of the title reminded me of BABY BABY but the music did not. I know this may seem stupid but I honestly felt that all the songs they released right now didn’t make me feel empty at all. It was like Nam Taehyun never left, which I think is not a bad thing. The songs were perfect even though it lacked Taehyun’s voice. Jinwoo and Seungyoon totally up-ed their game. Their vocals are exactly what we only needed to hear this time. I wanted to hear the Dumb and Dumber duo rap more though. Maybe in the future. if YG allows it, they get to release a song together (fingers crossed). Now, I think I need to emphasize my opinion about the music video. In terms of production, music and video quality, WINNER never disappointed me. I could still recall almost all of the scenes in all of their music videos because aesthetically they were all great. This, however, made me raise one of my eyebrows. I thought it would be a hundred times better than the different ones because the director was famous (IDK him though). Some scenes (bouncing cars ehem ehem) were weird and not necessary. Don’t get me wrong, I love the song, but the MV was just meh.

I will always want more from WINNER, and I’m not referring to improve their already perfect talents, but instead their songs. I want to listen more, I want to see them more, and above all, I want everyone to appreciate WINNER more because they truly deserve it. WINNER already proved to be a monster rookie back on their debut days, and now I just can’t wait for them to slay like other boy groups. WINNER hwaiting 💙💙💙💙

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